It's just about now when the tears start to fall
I wonder if i'm gonna make it at all
This is not about trying to go back in time
This is not about where we'll be a year down the line
It's just moment to moment, surviving somehow
This is not about then, this is just about now.

I think I realize now what this song is about. She is just trying to make it through one more day. And she doesn't want to think about the great times in the past or the easier it will be in the future, she just wants to dwell on how much she misses him now. Heath is gone every night of the week these days except Sat and Sun. He took a night job delivery pharmaceuticals MF and while it's nice to have some income it comes at the expense of never having a daddy or a husband. He's at school T-Th all day and night and yesterday was just one of those days where I was just trying to make it through till bedtime. The boys miss him terribly too. Sometimes I can't help when I just start crying. It's not that I'm depressed. I just get overwhelmed and then with the prego hormones, i just cry more. The good thing is I see a much brighter future but it's just hard with this work and school thing. I will be thrilled when it's done and welcome the days where he works every day but is home by dinnertime. I know graduate school was the right decision and I know it will be a huge blessing in the long-run, there are just those days where wow, it's hard. I'll get through it. I always do. I am so blessed and we really do love it here. thanks for listening to my sob story. :) I'll have a happy one tomorrow.

No Need for Words

I don't know what's gotten into this kid, but he NEVER stops talking! We had a sitter on Saturday night and he talked to her from the second she arrived to the moment we walked out the door. Well, this was Jace's idea although I won't say I haven't thought of it before. :) I sure love him!

updates

Let's see. I figure you are all wondering what we've been up to really. Or maybe if you're not, I just thought I'd write anyways. Well a couple things that have kept me from blogging is the fact that our home pc and Heath's laptop decided to both poop out at the same time! What! I know. I felt so disconnected from the world. No internet, no files, no budget reminders...i really couldn't do much about it so oh well. We got a loaner tower from our computer guy but now...I am writing from our new computer!!! I like it so far! Heath's laptop still has a worm. figures.

But, I am grateful it was able to function enough for Heath's application for a VERY important internship. Speaking of which, we've been applying to jobs for summer and actually full time as well. Heath graduates with two Master's degrees in December and well naturally we're hoping to land a job! Our mindset has kind of switched gears. At first, we planned on applying to jobs everywhere but Heath's thinking that just maybe someone can hire him now and keep him on through his last semester. It's wishful thinking but it might work. If not, we're applying pretty much all over the west coast. I'm excited for what's ahead.

What's ahead is also another baby. And to be honest, I haven't really felt nervous about it yet. Something keeps reassuring me that Camden will be ready for this new addittion to our family. He's turning 16 months soon and I can't believe it!

This kid has so much personality! And would you believe it, he's a lefty. I don't even think either of our families have left handed on our side but they say...those are the creative ones! He has to do just about anything and everything Jace does! and Camden really has an appettite. He's happy and content as long as he's eating. Seriously today, let's see within one hour, he had pasta broccoli bake,cereal, goldfish, 3 pancakes, glass of milk, and crackers. He's gonna clean us out of house and home. On the other hand, I can never get Jace to eat, so this a welcome change.

I'm doing fine just getting through the days at this point and wishing my sickness would go away altogether. I really feel for those sick in their pregnancies now! The first two I was a little nauseaus, but this....this is a whole new level of sick. Perhaps it is a girl. But really, I would be happy with a little boy too. They would have so much fun. I'm 14 weeks and starting to feel it and using the rubberband method. :) Looking forward to the second trimester when I have that burst of energy! I've also started watching one of my friend's little boy for a couple hours a day to earn some money. The boys LOVE having Jackson over and can't wait to have him come. They have so much fun and it really has been a good experience. He's such a cute little guy and has just as much energy as them! It forces me to get on the ground and play with them a lot more too! Oh, and I know that every T, TH, I'll have the house clean in order to stay on top of things. So, that's a good motivation.

That's good for now and really, I'd be shocked if you read this all. have a happy night!