Monday, January 3, 2011


I have more to post from the past, but tonight i just need to write. I'm holding my sweet baby girl as i do and thinking about already how hard 2011 has been. It has started off with first, having no money, no job for Heath. I mean, he has a job as a driver, but not the job he wants or deserves, Heath's car died so we had to buy a new starter, woke up to the van having a flat tire, Jace has an upper respiratory infection so yes, Camden and Mazie now have it too. My heart aches every time my little kids get sick. I'm totally helpless. Then, i have Mazie's 4 month and they say that she's not growing enough. I really don't want to stop nursing but I know i have to do what's best for her. It's the worst feeling feeling like you aren't giving your child what she needs. Then, she proceeds to say that I should cut out all night feedings. Wow, that could be hard. She's so young and also i want her to get enough food. She started solids and is doing pretty good but now I'm worried about allergies. Seriously, it's true, mother's worry and worry and never stop. Today, i really thought, I don't want any more kids because that's just one more that i have to worry that I'm not doing what's right.

Camden and Mazie both wouldn't let me put them down today so that was interesting. Heath of course is still working at night so I'm on my own most of the time, which I'm acclimated to, but it's never easy. And, now we were supposed to hear about the New Mexico job today and we heard nothing so now I don't know what's happening. I want this job so bad but maybe just because it's a job in itself! I had a revelation that the Lord needs us to be patient for the RIGHT job. This made a lot of sense to me because really anyone can get a job but for us, it needs to be the right one for us our family and our kids' needs. I would love to more positive but I'm just discouraged. So...send some positive energy my way....and maybe some healthy kids...that would be nice.

I know it sounds bad, but I'm fine. Just venting. :)