Monday, January 3, 2011

2011

I have more to post from the past, but tonight i just need to write. I'm holding my sweet baby girl as i do and thinking about already how hard 2011 has been. It has started off with first, having no money, no job for Heath. I mean, he has a job as a driver, but not the job he wants or deserves, Heath's car died so we had to buy a new starter, woke up to the van having a flat tire, Jace has an upper respiratory infection so yes, Camden and Mazie now have it too. My heart aches every time my little kids get sick. I'm totally helpless. Then, i have Mazie's 4 month and they say that she's not growing enough. I really don't want to stop nursing but I know i have to do what's best for her. It's the worst feeling feeling like you aren't giving your child what she needs. Then, she proceeds to say that I should cut out all night feedings. Wow, that could be hard. She's so young and also i want her to get enough food. She started solids and is doing pretty good but now I'm worried about allergies. Seriously, it's true, mother's worry and worry and never stop. Today, i really thought, I don't want any more kids because that's just one more that i have to worry that I'm not doing what's right.

Camden and Mazie both wouldn't let me put them down today so that was interesting. Heath of course is still working at night so I'm on my own most of the time, which I'm acclimated to, but it's never easy. And, now we were supposed to hear about the New Mexico job today and we heard nothing so now I don't know what's happening. I want this job so bad but maybe just because it's a job in itself! I had a revelation that the Lord needs us to be patient for the RIGHT job. This made a lot of sense to me because really anyone can get a job but for us, it needs to be the right one for us our family and our kids' needs. I would love to more positive but I'm just discouraged. So...send some positive energy my way....and maybe some healthy kids...that would be nice.

I know it sounds bad, but I'm fine. Just venting. :)

5 comments:

J and L said...

Much love to you Stacey! I think the impression you got is probably right on. The right job will come along and I know you'll be happy you waited for it...
Just remember Anne of Green Gables... Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it. ;)

The Roberts' Report said...

I couldn't pass up a chance to give you words of encouragment. It's tough. Having kids and starting a family when hubby's are still in school, is a major leap of faith. Building up those loans, trying to be frugal, crossing your fingers for good grades and a great job. I promise you...it will come. All of those blessings that you so desperately dream of and might I add DESERVE, will be yours. You guys have done the right things, have followed the prophets words...When the exact PERFECT job comes God will give it to you. Just hold on tight!! You can make it.

Christie said...

It's so good to vent. Being a mom is tough stuff, especially when the family isn't feeling well. I'm sending positive energy your way.

(I totally feel your job pain. Sometimes I feel like we are never going to move on from this place in our lives. Hoping Heath gets a job soon! You guys deserve it!)

Beka said...

hang in there Stacey!! sorry:(--but you do have one beautiful little family!

reyn and heidi said...

YOU ARE A WONDERFUL MOMMY STACY! It is so true though we all worry so much! I just have Royce and I feel like I am constantly worrying about him! I couldn't imagine worrying about 3! I am sorry they are all sick. You are an amazing, strong WOMAN! Everything will work out the way the Lord intends. It is hard to be patient but in the end when we are faithful and do all we can the Lord will bless you. Keep your head up. You do a great job. :)